o come, o come

this last week, i have been reminded of the joyous anticipation of christmas. highlighted at church on sunday, in the shadow of that wreath with four candles ablaze, we meditated on advent - the anticipation, the hope, the joy of the arrival of emmanuel. especially in the darkness of winter, the morning star represents light, life and hope.

here

instead of rushing around in stress and bemoaning the darkness, this is a time to be joyful. embrace the crowds, the tasks, the events - we are approaching a great celebration! the shopping, the baking, the parties all add to the excitement of anticipation. my mama has instilled in me an appreciation for a "festival" approach to important days. why celebrate a birthday on just one day, when you can celebrate for a week? i am making a concerted effort to embrace the festival of christmas.

this enjoyment means taking time to stop and appreciate those little moments - and here are a few of mine from the last weeks:

1. decorating christmas cookies with one of my favorite classes
2. baking christmas cookies while watching some of my favorite christmas movies
3. visiting christmas markets with friends
4. snow at last! (for those of you keeping up on the snow bet - it was called on December 20th as golfball-sized flakes fell from the sky - a magical first day of snow)
5. enjoying my favorite christmas market treat - roasted chestnuts
6. spending a wonderful evening with my fellow teachers at our company christmas party. good food, good friends and a great time all around.

i am looking forward to a (hopefully) snowy christmas in bavaria and a relaxing christmas holiday. although i miss my family and the traditions of my childhood, i am doing my best to take in the season and enjoy every minute - thankful for the abundant blessings in my life. ~love~

the strongest of senses

i have long been convinced that smell is the real king among the senses. it compliments and enhances the other senses so powerfully, especially in those times in which we create lasting memories.

here

i mean really, a christmas tree without the fresh pine smell - its only half as magical (sorry for all those fake-tree people out there...i've always had real ones). the smell cookies in the oven. the smell of cider on the stove. turkey in the oven. cranberries. snow. even the smell of scotch tape from wrapping all those presents. you've got to admit - the olfactory system is pretty powerful. particularly when it comes to christmas memories.

here

last weekend, i went to the renaissance christmas market in durlach. since living in germany, new scents have been added to my christmas memories - crepes. glühwein. sugared almonds. marzipan. i had to smile today, as i caught the scent of the campfire on my coat - leftover from the durlach christmas market. enjoy the scents of christmas, my dears. ~love~

100

well, it has certainly taken me long enough to reach 100 blog posts. it reminds me of first grade, with the 100 chart, where we carefully charted the first one hundred days of school. I brought in a ziploc baggy filled with 100 pennies. Even then, it registered that 100 is a lot more than I thought it was. and now i carry this memory with me, and wonder if anything that i do with those precious little children will be tucked away as one of those deep memories - the kind you carry with you for reasons that are nothing but mysterious.

here

to me, it doesn't matter if the kids leave my class speaking fluent english (they won't), but if they can remember learning a word, or a phrase, the emotion that bubbled to life when they first learned ______, even when they are 27 years old, well, i think that is significant. every time i see their eyes light up with understanding, creativity and passion, even if in the next minute they are off in their own world again, it gets me. the times in which i feel a true connection, even with the most difficult kid, those are the times that keep me coming back for more. i hold tight to those moments when that one kid just won't stop talking, or a spat breaks out between two girls who have already learned that particular girl-cruelness even in second grade. i keep planning, teaching, investing, working - in the hopes that the memory of one game, one song, one book, will be more powerful than those wild moments. that, just as i think back to that silly chart with the numbers 1-100 lined in neat rows of ten and that clear baggy of pennies so carefully counted out, they will reflect back with a smile when they hear english words.

here

thanks for sticking with me for 100 posts. ~love~

do you know how much that costs?

well, speaking of kids, i just overheard a classic exchange between two young kids (presumably on their way home from school)

one kid tried his hand at rapping and this is a portion of what i heard: (translated for you -although it does not rhyme in english, it did in fact rhyme in german, which kind of impressed me)

"...yeah yeah yeah. yeah. who knows what will happen. we're gonna be rich. and ... buy ... ... ... the whole world..."

at this point, he was interrupted by his companion.

"hey, wait. we can't do that. do you know how much the whole world costs?!"

here

i wish i could have heard the answer - i've actually been wondering what the going price is on the world. ~love~

that jolly red man remains illusive

one of the many benefits of my job is experiencing first hand the "kid perspective" of life. on wednesday, i overheard a group of first graders (6 and 7 year olds) having a very serious discussion about santa. as i missed the beginning of the conversation, i'm not sure what brought on this discussion - perhaps the coming of st. nicholas next week? - regardless, there were some very strong opinions being thrown about.

kid 1: well, i don't know about you, but i have seen him. he is definitely real.

kid 2: i have seen him too!

kid 3 (who i am willing to bet has older siblings...just saying): that was just someone dressed up like santa. that doesn't mean he's real.

kid 1: well, how do they know what he looks like, then?

[pause for deep thinking]

kid 2: yeah, maybe we did see people dressed like him, but that must mean that there is a real one somewhere

kid 1: yeah

kid 3: can i borrow your glue stick?

i am constantly entertained by my glimpses into "kid world" - as adults, we tend to project adult thinking and reasoning onto kids, but the reality is, they just don't conform. they adhere to a different kind of logic, which is often baffling and sometimes quite frustrating, but thankfully often entertaining. ~love~

tastes like christmas

as i have lived in germany these 3 + years (i can't believe its been that long!), i have integrated things that i love from home and life in the states with new things that i have fallen in love with here. of course growing up in the nock family (where: "if you're bashful, you starve!") i have a great affection for all things food! for me, the holiday season begins when i smell pumpkin bread baking in the oven. my mama's pumpkin bread is the taste of thanksgiving and christmas and all the good stuff in between and when the holiday season approaches, i can't resist making a few batches.

here

this year is no exception. as germans have failed to develop an adequate appreciation for all things squash-realated (spaghetti squash, acorn squash, pumpkin pie...) it is difficult (and expensive!) to find canned pumpkin anywhere. my solution this year was to buy a jar of pumpkin chunks, heat them up on the stove and puree them. i think i have done this before, but for some reason, my pumpkin bread turned out much differently this time around. even though it doesn't taste like home, it still tastes good - good enough for me to share with my work collegues and a few students.

here

with nothing to compare the bread to, the bread recieved rave reviews. my very favorite was from a work collegue who took one bite, grinned and said "wow, it tastes like christmas!" that was all the confirmation i needed - the holiday season has begun! ~love~

snow bet

its no secret that i much prefer spring and summer to the cold, dark days of winter. as a result, i am forced to create reasons to be excited about the onset of the winter season. this year, burdened by the looming deadline of my thesis and feeling like i had missed most of summer whilst typing away in the library, i needed a particularly good reason to get excited about the looming dark, cold season. most of all, i needed some teammates. so, i devised the snow bet.

in early october, with the first deep chill, i asked 5 students to predict the first day that we would see snow on the ground in Heidelberg. the snow bet was born.

here

you may be interested to know that i have already lost. by a lot. my guess of november 8 came and went, without so much as a flake. also the 15th has faded into memory - with sunshine and blue skies. that means 4 students are hoping for the fame and glory of winning the snow bet, although almost all of them have tried to change their guess in the past few weeks - they don't apprecite, apparently, that the point was to guess when we had no concievable notion of snow or feeling for winter. ah youth.

thanks to the snow bet, i look out my window with anticipation every morning. last night, as i was closing the blinds, i noticed thick fog and a light rain. normally, this kind of weather (affectionaly known to some as a form of "wintry mix") makes me cringe, but the anticipation of the first snow has me a bit giddy with excitement! ~love~

Back in blog - land

well, after my (not so brief) hiatus, i have returned to the land of the blog. i have a few post ideas brewing, as well as some old drafts (written during the fog of my thesis) which will hopefully be ready for this small forum soon.

so, what have i been doing, you ask?

thanks for your interest. this is the answer: lots.

1. i flew home with that boy of mine and rang the doorbell (of my childhood home...that was a first) and surprised the heck out of my dad for his 50th birthday. this was remarkable because a) i'm horrible at surprises...i always want to spill the beans b) my mom is horrible at suprises...she also wants to spill the beans (wonder where i got that from?) it was perfect though, like a movie, but better, because it was my real life.

2. i finished my thesis. amen and praise the lord! i had to take 2 days of my precious time in the states to accomplish this task. blasted procrastination, my lifelong enemy! it is not perfect. i had to come to peace with the fact that i would not be able to write everything that i knew or even everything that i probably wanted to write. it is what it is, and i still felt a little tingle of pride as i held the 63 bound pages in my hands. i accomplished what at times seemed like an insurmmountable task. take that, german grammar!

3. nothing. i think that is the reward of finishing a thesis. all of the books that i have not read, all of the movies that i have not seen, all of the coffee dates with friends that have been pushed to the side for the last few months - they are my reward for finishing. currently i am 100% sucked into the stieg larsson books (very late on that one, i am well aware) - i cannot stop reading! also, i have never wanted so badly in my life to visit sweden.

4. teaching. i have jumped back into teaching all of my old courses plus a couple new ones. i have a lot of new students (due to turnover from kids leaving to go to elementary school) and i still have to get a rhythm down, but i love it. i wish i could remember all of the things that make me laugh every day, but currently i'm drawing a blank. sorry about that.

so there you have it. i am alive and well. i had my first mug of glühwein at the christmas market yesterday and can hardly believe that this is my 4th christmas season in germnay - how time flies. in the mean time, i am feeling especially thankful and blessed by an incredible network of family and friends. ~love~

A love letter to technology

Dear technology,

I know I complain a lot - about your intermitent "difficulties" - but really, I love you. Dear youtube, thank you for having very helpful video tutorials so that I now know how to make a table of contents. Dear Word, thank you for having a feature in which you generate a table of contents. Dear zotero, at first, we really struggled - English, German, weird formatting defaults - I'm glad we're over that now. You make footnotes so easy, and save me from that pesky black hole that is a straggling ibid.

You are beautiful and I love you.

Yours truly.

it occurred to me that I could be hand-writing my thesis onto paper to then type out on a typewriter. i am so glad that i do not have to do that. my brain is so chaotic -  i cut and paste, insert, delete. i currently have 10 word documents and one excel file full of tables and graphs. if this was all hand-written, i would have been crushed under a mountain of books and paper a long time ago.

here

you are probably tired of hearing about this craziness - but i honestly don't have much else to write about. thesis. books. newspapers. library. its my life right now. i mean, i could tell you about the tourists i overheard in the library... (i would spare you the explitives of course) and how they determined (loudly) that the way to determine what is a *real* university is the swanky-ness of the library. it went something like this: "woah...now this is a library. this is a (expitive) legit school. i mean look at this. this is (explitive) marble." i could also tell you how i resisted the urge to point out the things that drive me crazy about the library:

-dust and weird smells

-under construction (aka loud, sometimes closed off, and recently, areas that smell strongly of paint)

-one bathroom in the basement

-not allowed to bring bags and/or laptop cases

-books arranged according to date purchased by the institution (i miss you and your beautiful decimals, dewey!)

-tourists.

here

i could tell you about those things, but it might be a mis-representation of what my days actually look like. a two-minute trip downstairs to the bathroom is a small fraction of the time i spend bent over books.

i.am.almost.there.

~love

this is the perfect time to panic!

indeed it is. and i am. but also:

1. listening to argueably the best movie soundtrack of all time: Garden State. and dreaming of the day when i have free time and i can watch it.

here

2. making friends with the resident spider. we share a workspace. i only freak out a little when it comes too close and acts like it wants me to be a support for its web - i take that as a sign that i haven't moved recently enough and its time to take a little break to stretch my legs

here

3. channeling the little engine that could.

here

~love~

i am a collecter of beautiful words

have you ever forgotten you have read something? i pulled out an old journal and found a collection of beautiful words from a book that i honestly did not remember reading.

i am glad that i took the time to record the beautiful words of eudora welty in her book the optimist's daughter, which i read during my first stay in germany as a student in the summer of 2007. i bought this book, along with what became my all time favorite book at a book sale in manchester by the sea. reading these words, i could remember just what it was like to thumb through boxes of 50 cent books and blindly choose a few to fill my open hours and days. for posterity's sake, i would like record the sections i copied down in this space - because they are beautiful and worth sharing


"She was sent to sleep under a velvety cloak of words, richly patterned and stitched with gold, straight out of a fairy tale, while they went reading on into her dreams."

honestly, is there anything better than instilling a love of words and characters in a small child? books have never failed to challenge and comfort me. i am ashamed to say that as i child i often preferred the company of books to that of my sister. (for the record, i'll put down a book for hannah any day)

"The mystery in how little we know of other people is no greater than the mystery of how much."

really, the mystery of people and relationships is such a beautiful treasure to be entrusted with.

"Her mother gave the rope a pull and at its sound, almost at the moment of it, large and close to them appeared a grey boat with two of the boys at the oars. At thier very feet had been the river. The boat came breasting out of the mist, and in they stepped. All new things in life were meant to come like that."

here

seriously, the magic of a boat coming out of the mist gives me chills. all new things really should come like that - solidity out of mist, safe but adventerous and unexpected.

 i will never stop collecting beautiful words. ~love~

fight

honestly the pressure of procrastination is reaching new and rediculous heights. i would pretty much rather be doing anything other than dealing with the daunting task of writing my thesis. in german. let me illustrate

today, i would rather wash the floor to ceiling windows in the library than write my paper. seriously, the dirt is distracting me. this is bad.

i took the fire alarm going off in the library to mean that i should study outside. for the record, studying outside is not effective.

my sub-conscious sabatoged me and i forgot my laptop cord this morning - time to ride my bike 20 more minutes to get it and go back

as long as i was going back, i decided to do everyone's favorite thing - deal with german bureocracy! today is the perfect day to fill out forms to extend my visa, right?

despite my panic dreams every.single.night, i can't help reading extra stuff that i don't necessarily need, taking too long revising sentences, and generally dragging me feet.

help!!!

ebb and flow

sometimes i would like to watch a sped up video loop of library traffic. early morning, when the long tables are empty, but for the few, the hard-core. the midday chaos of papers, laptops and cords - holding place for their owners out to lunch. finishing out as they all straggle out, embracing the darkening night and cold, fall air.

i would love to watch at high speed tempo, as people hesitate before selecting thier spot - then spread out and make it their own - as others scurry up and down the stairs at a brisk pace, searching, skimming, selecting from the solid, unmoving volumes filling the shelves. then packing up, leaving no trace.

at that tempo, the pattern, the ebb and flow of this living library would emerge quite logically. filling up, emptying out, wearing paths in the cold stone floors. the life of a building, bursting with the surge of students, year after year. ~love~

going native

assimilation is a funny thing. it comes so slowly, almost without notice. some days i find myself being very...german. this was particularly apparent during my last trip home.

one day, i'm walking along the sidewalk, oblivious of the white line down the middle. the next, i am repeadly dinging my bicycle bell, yelling at politely reminding the group of tourists that this is a bike lane...for bikes...and my bell means get out of the bike lane before i run you over!

here

one day, i am dreaming of those wonderful people who bag your groceries for you in american grocery stores. the next, i am home for a visit and the grocery bagger looks at me like i have lost my marbles as I quickly grab each item and frantically stuff it into the cloth bag that I brought with me before they can calmly and with a sense of organization pack my items into free plastic bags. i promise i'm not crazy. i just live in germany.

one day, it annoys me that everything is closed on sundays. the next, i am thankful for the peace and quiet, slower pace, and forced break. i love sundays.

one day, i am accidentally mixing up the formal and informal forms of "you" in german, the next, i hear a conversation in english between a bus driver and a passenger and think "well, thats rude. she just said 'you' to him!" oh wait. that was her only option.

here

one day, i have panic attacks every time i have to pay at a restaurant and figure out a tip simultaneously to paying. the next, the thought of splitting checks, paying with a debit card, and all of the back and forth of paying in america gives me hives.

one day, i think i will never ever ever figure out the metric system. the next, i am telling the girl at king soopers that it would be great if she could slice the cheese in about 1/2 centimeter thick slices. (this is when my dad leaned over to me and said - "we don't use centimeters here" in a not so quiet whisper...) drat. metric really is a lot more practical.

obviously i could go on. its the funniest thing to realize how adaptable we humans are - and to think about all the things i have taken on that are so german. i think my emails have gotten more pointed, less flowery. german. i have definitely become more punctual. german. but you know what? i like it. i'm going native! ~love~

lets call it a win

today was one of those perfect fall days - clear blue sky, a very slight chill in the air, a few yellow leaves, and warm, warm sunshine. if fall was like this every day...well, we might be on better terms. these kinds of days help to motivate me, somehow. the freshness, the cleanliness of nature (it just feels cleaner when the air is so dry and cool, right? or is that just me?)

here

this air motivated me to clear off a shelf to temporarily house the 37 (!) books that i have checked out from the library. i was tired of navigating the narrow maze that had developed in my room - i need space! i must say...it makes a huge difference.

however, no sooner had i finished this ever-important project (its not like i have a thesis to write or anything...) i promptly spilled an *entire* bag of popcorn kernels. all. over. the. clean. floor. 500 grams might not seem like a lot...oh but it is. it is a lot of popcorn kernels.

here

after cleaning up THAT mess...i was not feeling so positive about my day - its not only a waste of time, its a waste of money and all that delicious popcorn! - well, little did i know, something would make up for the lost time (and money).

i stopped by work to talk to my boss about a few things and return some books to the library (late. blast.) and we got to chatting. after a bit, a man came in, looking quite confused: he was looking for sabine?* she's not here? she is on vacation for a week? but i brought her ice cream!!

no sweeter words had been uttered that day. sabine wasn't there? he had a cup of ice cream left over? i mean...i don't like to brag, but i am a pretty generous person. i might be willing to eat it - you know, in an emergency.

it. was. delicious.

moral of the story: fall is trying to win me over...and is slowly but surely succeeding. ~love~

*sabine is another of my bosses... they work in the same office

because I was wondering...

so, all of you sound of music fans (read: me) might be wondering why germans used to call young, unmarried women "fräulein" but nowadays they just call all women, regardless of marital status "frau" (kind of like miss and ms. - but different, because in this comparison, there would be no mrs.) well, thanks to my research, i am learning all sorts of things that are interesting and completely unrelated to my topic!

for fun, i will quote the article here (mostly because I want a copy of it!) and translate for all of you non-german speakers below!

Frau oder Fräulein

Wien, 13. März (Südena). Die weiblichen Abgeordneten der Sozialistischen Partei Österreichs beantragten im Nationalrat ein Bundesgesetz, nach dem alle in Österreich lebenden weiblichen Personen ohne Rücksicht auf ihren Familienstand nach dem 21. Lebensjahr das Recht haben sollen, in der Öffentlilchkeit und gegenüber den Behörden die Bezeichnung "Frau" zu führen.

(Badische Zeitung: Länder-Ausgabe. 15. März 1949, Seite 8)

Basically, it said that the women of the socialist party in austria submitted a petition to the government stating that all women should have the right to be called "frau" from the time that they are 21, regardless of marital status.

don't you all feel like you learn things from me?

now back to work... ~love~

breathe the crisp fall air...and be happy

i have the feeling i've been a bit of a negative nancy lately, especially in my blog posts. this is due to 1. the looming dedline for my masters thesis (which is still not writing itself and therefore not even close to where it should be) 2. the waning of my very favorite season: summer.

summer in germany is just my favorite: festivals around every corner, long days, grill parties, fresh fruit and vegetables, flip-flops, long (dry) bike rides, dresses and skirts, swimming, sunshine, fun...need i go on?

however, i have been reminded these last few days of the many joys of fall, particularly fall in Baden. (although the absence of football is hard to forgive...) in my "summer is almost over, i'm going to yell at the weather lady every time she says this is going to be the last day of summer weather" slump, i tend to forget all of the best things about fall. aside from the beautiful leaves and the crisp fall air, Germany has particular joys to offer during this time.



one of my favortie features of fall is Neuer Wein - its like slightly fermented grape juice with a low alchohol content. trust me, it tastes better than it sounds. sweet. with a little bit of fermented goodness. germans drink this along with Zwiebelkuchen (literally "onion cake" - more like onion bread) due to that pesky allergy of mine, i do not consume the zwiebelkuchen, but i do enjoy the neuer wein - i think it pairs well with just about everything. like grown up grape juice. red wine. white wine. i like them all. these little stands appear all over with people selling apples, juice, wine and neuer wein and it is lovely.

photo

another favorite that i completely forgot is my all time hands down favorite soup - Kürbiskremesuppe aka pumpkin soup. not only is this heaven in a bowl, i also cannot seem to make it myself (never, ever believe that peanut butter is the secret ingredient...its not) making it an extra special treat for fall - hooray!

photo from here

so, although the days are getting shorter and colder, the crisp morning air gives reason to rejoice. each new season has so much to offer. since living in germany i have come to appreciate each season more thoroughly - probably due to the fact that germans associate certain customs and particuarly food with each season, and those things are only available in that season. like candy corn and peppermint m&ms, but way better. so, don't worry about me - i'm still taking breaks from long stints in the library to enjoy life. ~love~

adding insult to injury

...or why living in a tourist city can really get you down.

Pretty much no matter where I sit in the old-city library, I will encounter tourists. Either they are pausing to read over my shoulder, holding their huge cameras out of the way, or they are taking pictures in the entryway - blocking every door, or i can see them from my seat by the window...walking around the green castle gardens, teeth glinting in the sun as they pose for the picture that may or may not end up in a coffee table photo album.

photo from here

Honestly, I don't really have a problem with tourists. Its just. Well. They remind me that I am in fact NOT a tourist. I am NOT on vacation. I can NOT spend carefree hours strolling around the castle, window shopping along the Hauptstraße, walking by volume upon volume in the library with no need to pick any of them up.

Some day I will be a tourist. on vacation. strolling aimlessly. And when that day is, I will take care to smile with compassion at the people who actually live there. In that tourist destination. Who have to work and study and fulfill the obligations of day to day life. Which is what I must do this very minute... ~love~

on cultural differences

sometimes cultural differences are profound. sometimes they are downright silly. take, for example, cake. being in germany has made me rethink my definition of cake. stop for a minute. what makes something a cake? what constitutes bread? here is a re-creation of a conversation that i have had with more than one german on the subject of my mom's famous pumpkin bread (an international hit!)

me: here, do you want to have some pumpkin bread?

german: sure ... mmm, this is good, but its not bread, its cake.

me: what do you mean its cake? i baked it in a bread pan. its bread

german: but its sweet

me: well, thats true. but there is no frosting. its bread. we're having something else for dessert.

for the record, i could probably come up with a sassy retort referring to the fact that germans eat sweet, not salty popcorn, but i think i'll just let it be.

the thing is, people talk about culture, cultural differences and culture shock a lot. and i used to believe that all of these things would have a definition, a formula, and/or be logical. they are not. i find that my understanding of both german culture and my own culture is constantly changing - deepening, maturing. i am constantly bumping up against these cultural differences, but they are like furniture in a dark room, i can't see them coming and i can't always tell you their exact shape.

sometimes these differences are quite meaningful. they unveil a whole new way of understanding the world in which i live and the place that i have come from. lately, i have been looking back on my thoughts on culture and the way that they have evolved over the last (almost) three years here.

after a few months in germany, i probably said something about punctuality. after 6 months, i said empathy was one of the biggest differences. after a year, probably responsibility and self-motivation. after two years i began developing my sense of germans sort of "looking out for one another", because history taught them what can happen when people get desperate. this leads to an extensive welfare system, people giving up their seats on trains, and general friendliness. it also causes strangers to chide me for crossing the street when the light is red, riding my bike with a skirt on and informing me that i need to oil my bike chain.

i can list so many differences, but the thing is, listing them doesn't define germany or germans - in the same way that listing characteristics of american or western culture define america or the west or me. we are greater than the sum of our parts - this thing we call culture, these values that are instilled in the people who come from the same area and experience the same history - is just one of the many things that influences who a person is.

i will probably never come to a "conclusion" about the cultural differences between the states and germany. i will probably never have an answer for the ever popular question: "so, what is the biggest difference between germany and the states?" and that is exactly as it should be. ~love~

read aloud

As I establish who I am as a teacher, I think back to the things that I loved most in school. From day one of teaching my class of littlest kids (thats right...the ones who asked me if I could speak German as I was speaking German with them...love) I started reading them picture books. There is something so magical about the marriage of pictures and words that builds bridges of understanding. Plus, I love reading picture books. I have almost exhausted the library's collection. Well, of books that I find enchanting. I love knowing that when I love something, they will love it too. And I love it when they beg for another book when the first one is over.

Last week, I started thinking about read-aloud for one of my older classes. It started with looking for Encyclopedia Brown (remember, these kids are kind of obsessed with mysteries) ... which led to finding From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, another childhood favorite ... which led to The BFG. I checked out all three and have been wandering through childhood read-aloud books for the past few days. Although I have come to the conclusion that it is too close to summer vacation to start any short novel, I have decided that, come fall, I will start reading aloud a chapter of one of these books every week. I am pretty excited.

Now go read a childhood favorite. ~love~

oh say can you see

Sometime in January, a friend from work asked me if I woud be interested in going to a women's world cup game in July. In Februray, another friend and I put our names in the official FIFA drawing for tickets (the cheaper version to my work friends' ticket purchasing endeavor). In March, I heard that we got tickets in the best category. In June, I picked up my tickets at the post office. On July 2, we FINALLY saw the game! It was so wonderful.

Now, obviously women's soccer isn't as big of a deal as men's soccer, as exciting as that would be, but there is a fair amount of hype surrounding the women's world cup (WWC) here, as the German team is the 2x reiging champ, and due to the fact that it is in Germany this year. The stadium was full. Now, for those that don't know (everyone) - the games are taking place in stadiums all across Germany (Berlin, Frankfurt, Dresden to name a few) and one such stadium is just a 30 minute train ride from me (so close, in fact, that many teams playing in Sinsheim are being put up in the hotel at the end of my street!) We arrived with a little extra time to find our seats (since we bought tickets seperately, we were sitting in two different areas).

Martha and I were pretty excited to find that our seats were in the first row in the Northwest corner of the field! We were also pretty excited to sing along with the national anthem (like the good choir kids that we still are in our hearts)

Watching the US women defeat Columbia 3-0 was definitely a highlight of my summer thus far. I am reminded time and again how cool it is to be a part of a big group of strangers. (think back a long way to my post about Oktoberfest...) From the moment we got on the train, to the moment we stepped off after our return journey, that energy specific to sports and concerts was palpable in the air.

However, I was a bit puzzled by the wardrobe choices of many of the game-goers. Outfits and/or flags included (but were not by any means limited to): Lots of Germany gear like huge flags, facepaint and jerseys (heads up Germans, Thomas Müller, Phillip Lahm and Bastian Schweinsteiger are not in fact playing in this particular world cup...), a large Welsh flag, a Canada sweatshirt, and a Swedish flag. We're apparently very international here.

Anyway, just a little update on my birthday present to myself :) ~love~

on friendship

I am incredibly blessed. That sentence was going to continue, but really, that is just it. I am incredibly blessed. I have the most amazing group of family and friends as rockstar cheerleaders, I just don't know how other people survive with anything less (this is not to dimish other families and other friends - I'm sure they're all great too...)

And the thing about it is, that I have such amazing friends, who have incredible hopes and ambitions, and this (combined with my nomadic dreaming) means that we get to treasure a beautiful friendship together for a period of time that is always way too short, and then they go off to change the world, expand thier brains, challenge thier hearts, and experience new things. That is when our friendship goes into the long distance phase of long phone calls, letters, messages, emails, and really powerful thoughts that bind us together across the miles, albeit less tangibly and less time-intensive than before. But the love that was there, it stays. And it is beautiful.

Last week I had to say goodbye to a dear friend and kindrid spirit here in Germany. No more coffee dates where we really really meant to be super productive but talked for three hours instead. No more panicked phone calls: "I'm throwing up, can you cover my class for me?" No more lesson-planning teamwork, discussing how crazy Germans are, planning scavenger-hunts for a joint session of our classes. No more late night philosophizing. But I can say that I am beyond privigiled to know this incredible woman, and I could not be happier for her next step - it's the right one. I just wish it didn't mean leaving "Germ"* *one of many classic Emily-isms

Also last week, I had the privilige of being the very first to congratulate in person my dear friends Abbey and Greg on their engagement. Not only that, I got to show them my home here for three wonderful days. They were just as taken with Heidelberg as I am (take that, Rick Steves!). We wandered the Schwetzinger Gardens, climbed the Heiligenberg at dusk (and hiked back down amidst fireflies in the dark - ok, maybe that is making it sound more romantic and a lot less scary than it actually was...I like that version better) but mostly we just loved each other. Abbey is a kindrid spirit, a bosom friend if you will (Diana to my Anne, - or maybe I'm Diana to her Anne) Anyway, it did my soul a whole lot of good to share my life here with them and to have a communion of hearts.

My cup runneth over. ~love~

Little Mirrors

I think that everyone who works with kids has moments where they look into a child's face and suddenly everything is stripped away. Every time this happens, I am caught off guard. I am suddenly transported back to my childhood and I not only remember what it was like, I feel that faint beating of my childhood heart and the ticking of my childhood brain as it was then.

This morning in the kindergarten, I of course got the skinny on the sub:

We played some games. He's really good at crafts! I couldn't play anymore because I know all of the colors and kept telling everyone instead of letting them figure it out. He didn't know your hello song.

And then I was a child again:

He can't speak German and I didn't understand everything.

I know that feeling of wanting to understand everything - and settling for nothing less. In her earnest eyes, I found a little mirror. I think language learning will be hard for her. It was (is) for me. It is embarrassing to admit you don't know something. Or even worse, using the wrong word (I just wanted to comment that the weather is quite humid. What? I said it was gay? Oh how embarrassing!) It takes a lot of courage and a lot more "getting over yourself" to walk into a room, pick up a phone, stand up in front of a group and know that you probably won't understand everything. Some people get over that quickly. I know, I've met them. I teach them. But many of us struggle with not knowing. I hope that I can help teach these precious souls that it is ok, even good, to not understand everything and to embrace that scary unknown. In doing so, I hope that I can continue to learn that lesson myself. ~love~

Good Teacher? Bad Teacher?

So, I bribed my students to be good for the subs. I know that it worked when my crazy kindergarteners were reported to be "such well behaved kids!" by the sub. Either that, or I am a terrible teacher. Or my conception of "well behaved kids" is different. I'm going to decide to believe that they took me very seriously when I told them (in my most solemn voice) that I want them to be even better for the sub than they usually are for me.

For that reason, I am about to bake a batch of oatmeal-raisin cookies.

I honestly can't wait to see all those kids tomorrow. I've had a hard time getting into a rhythm since I've been back - something along the lines of needing a vacation from my vacation...

I think practicing being a good teacher is just what the doctor ordered. ~love~

A true story

In the car on the way to visit T's family, the traffic report came on the radio. We naturally turned up the volume. What followed was pretty much your normal report - construction on the A5, 3km stop and go traffic... cleaning up an accident on the A3, 5km traffic...

and then:

Achtung: be careful on the B61 (ok, I don't actually remember which highway it was, unfortunately) there is a kangaroo in the left lane.

What?! A Kangaroo?! I turned to T and asked "so, is that like a kind of car or something?" I just could not believe that 1) there was a kangaroo in Germany and 2) that this poor unfortunate soul had found its way to the highway!

He laughed, "no, you are thinking of a Kangoo. That is a kind of car. A Kangaroo is an animal."

me: "Well! What is a Kangaroo doing on the Autobahn?"

T: "How should I know. Maybe its for mothers day."

Yeah, I don't understand either. But either way, I hope the Kangaroo made it out ok!

Things I did not come to Germany to learn

...but I'm glad I did.

First of all, things I did come here to learn:

German. check

history. check

public transportation. check

a different culture. check

Things I did not come here to learn:

punctuality

how to teach english

how to bribe little kids to learn english

how to climb mountains of paperwork

how important stamps can be to any official person

how to prepare and eat white asparagus

what it feels like to fail at school

how to seriously motivate myself. for myself. by myself. (still working on that one)

how to be in love with a german

how to fight in german

how to get out of a bicycle ticket

celcius

the metric system

the value of good customer service

There are many times in my daily life when I stop and think "I never expected to be doing this/learning this/thinking this" and I think back to a conversation with my mom a few years back. She surprised me by saying "You're not who I thought you would be" (in the context of the conversation, it was a good thing...lest you think my mom was somehow telling me what a disappointment I've become!) I just had to laugh and say, I know. I'm not who I thought I would be either. I never in a million years could have imagined the crazy journey that has led me to this place and these lessons. I have certainly spent a lot of time being uncomfortable, unsure and frustrated. I have been lonely, afraid, overwhelmed and humbled. Thank God for that!

I have learned to look at the world from a different perspective, I have learned to examine my priorities and make changes. I have learned a lot about how to respect other people. I have learned that I am not that important. (in the "I'm not the center of the universe" selfish way, not "oh, just forget about me, I'm not important" eeyore way) Today I experienced again a feeling that has been a staple of my life for many years. I was late. Years ago, I was usually at least 10 minutes late everywhere. Since moving to Germany, I average (well, if I am optimistic...) 5 minutes early, but mostly on time. There have been exceptions. Today was one of those times. As I pedalled with burning calves to the uni, I was cursing the fact that I simply lost track of time. I left my apartment 7 minutes after I was supposed to be meeting this professor. All of a sudden, I realized that this crazy, heart-pounding, panicked, thinking of ways to apologize rush has been largely absent from my life as of late. And I don't miss it a bit. I have come to see that when I am on time, it means that I respect that person and the time that they are taking for me. I like who I am, even though its not who I thought I would be. I say thank the good Lord for teaching me all of the things that I didn't expect to learn. ~love

This just happened.

Me: oh man, I'm tired of German burocracy, this rediculous Prof with silly hair, wahhh wahh wahh (just imagine a lot of complaining...my main hobby as of late)

T: hey, you could bring a wii back when you visit USA.

Me: umm, ok

T: the new one is coming out and so the old ones are gonna be cheap

Me: oh, you're serious. umm, ok...

(insert several minutes of chat, silence etc...)

T: well, technically neither of us really has any money. But, I mean, if someone gives you one, you should bring it back.

Me: ok, if someone gives me a wii, I will bring it back. I promise.

This abrupt change of subject brought to you by the same man who cries conspiracy now when more family members get engaged. he's convinced its a plot to make me move back, like, tomorrow.

That boy makes me laugh - that is certainly good for my sanity. ~love

To whom it may concern:

dear microsoft word,

i would really appreciate it if you could just go ahead and figure out on your own when i am writing in german and when i am writing in english. it is annoying beyond belief to have to highlight sections of text and change the language multiple times a page just to keep you from "auto-correcting" words in a different language. seriously. you can do so much. and you are in posession of both an english and german dictionary. it shouldn't be so hard to just work with me on a german paper with english language sources and quotes. figure it out and stop driving me crazy. yours sincerely....

dear neighbor upstairs,

please stop practicing that same song on your guitar for hours on end. i would love to go somewhere else, but unfortuantely i have too many books to make me mobile. so, if we could just keep the practice sessions to an hour, tops, that would be great. thanks. yours sincerely...

dear germans,

please start being more flexible. i would appreciate, for example, office hours/business hours more than once a week. i would also apprecaite a little less paperwork. seriously. yours sincerely....

dear papers,

please write yourselves. thanks.

dear books,

if you could come pre-hilighted with notes, that would really help me a lot.

dear clock,

could you help me out a little bit with this whole time crunch thing? i would be so grateful! yours sincerely...

Bekah

Unexpected

Sometimes the most unexpected things happen in the most hum-drum places. In the past week, I have had two eventful grocery store visits. I may or may not be over-representing the excitement of these times as I do tend to live in the library/at my desk (when I need too many books to bother carrying them all to the library) these days.

Incident #1.

I ran into the grocery store "real quick" to buy a couple of items, and much to my dismay, the three open registers were simply not sufficient to handle the volume of late-afternoon customers. Annoyed, I chose a line and prepared to spend the next 10 minutes being annoyed at the line length. Not 2 minutes later, I heard strains of a rather heated conversation behind me. Basically, 2 registers right next to each other were open, and for some reason a few people decided that it would be best to form one line and [ski lift line style] "merge" as they came to the registers. Well, obviously someone came who did not get the memo and accidentally cut in front of the "one line-rs". One of which, naturally (in a heated tone) informed him of this. Well, that was just too much. He was quite affronted by the accusation that he had violated some sort of unknown agreement and defended himself vehemently ("Hello Mädel! If there are two registers open! Then we can certainly from two lines! ! !) Of course that is when the boyfriend stepped in. With a look like he was trying to eject his eyes out of his head, he got right up in the line-cutter's face. (insert a string of not so nice slangy German words here). It almost came to blows. Way intense. Suddenly, I realized how incredibly rediculous it was that everyone was so worried about saving 2 minutes of waiting in line! Honestly! The rediculous argument made me stop and check my own attitude and realize that my two (or ten, whatever) extra minutes in line could be better used than by being frustrated. There are so many nice things to think about and observe, not to mention thoughts concerning my papers / oral exam topics / lesson plans to sort out. So, new attitude - hooray!

Incident #2

You know those times when you "bop" into the store just to pick up a few items. You don't need a cart! You're only buying 2 things, 3 tops! And by the time you make it to the register, you look like you are auditioning to become a circus clown balancing act. This was me yesterday. [Oh, I forgot, I totally need tomatoes ... and cheese ... do I have any rice cakes left? better buy some to be sure ...] I knew I could get all the stuff home, I just had to make it to the black band at the register to relieve my precarious load. Then it happened. I dropped a bag of lettuce ("oh thank goodness, it wasn't the cream - that would be such a mess!") A nice girl behind me (seeing my plight) quckly bent to retrieve it. Then I took a step forward. I lost the rice cakes ... And then the cream ... bent to pick that up - still intact! thank goodness! - and dropped the pasta. Finally, the girl behind me offered to hold a few items until I made it to the register. We all need help sometimes. And although I felt pathetic and slightly inept, I was thankful for the kindness of strangers, who held my things and resisted laughing out loud.

I wish you some unexpected happenings in the most mundane of places! ~love~

Not alone

I had one of those moments today in which I remembered that I am not alone. In all of life's awkwardness and idiosyncracy, I am not an island of clumsy accidents. For this reminder, I would like to thank the stranger on her bicycle at the stoplight in the rain today.

Let me explain: Often in Germany, bikers ride up to stoplights slowly and grab onto the pole in order to stay upright on their bikes. As this woman approached the stoplight, she leaned .... annnd.... fell off her bike. Basically in slow motion. In the rain. She did not hurt herself (it was very very slow) but did not exactly pull off what you would call a graceful save. With flailing arms, she stuck the landing with the front tire facing the wrong way and a sheepish grin on her face. I grinned conspiratorily at her as we crossed the street going opposite directions. I have done this. We are not alone. ~love~

The corner table

I have a spot. A routine. Usually, I like to mix things up a bit to keep the creative juices flowing. Change libraries, coffee shops, times, music. But I have this place I keep going back to. A long table in the corner of the first floor of a library. Next to floor to ceiling windows. Under a very large lamp.

Here is the thing. I think I am allergic to the library in the old city. Like, cool - our library is one of the oldest in Germany and a tourist attraction, but - maybe its not so healthy to breathe the same dust as Mark Twain, Helmut Kohl, Philipp Melanchthon, Robert Wilhelm Bunsen, etc for long periods of time. Just a thought.

So here I am. In another library. In the corner, under the lamp, where I can almost feel the spring breeze passing me by as I write. and write. and write. ~love~

Florence Henderson's twin

I saw her. On the tram. She had all of the shape and glow of the real Florence Henderson, without the expensive clothes and tight skin. She made me smile and think about silly things, like how the Florence Henderson would never ride on a streetcar in Heidelberg with a bag of groceries and a run in her hose. And that really, riding in streetcars reminds me that we are a bigger group of people moving - sometimes in the same direction, sometimes not. In the privacy of my own car, I tend to think it is just that, private. I sing as loud as I want to, I chew gum, talk loudly, and pay attention to me and my car and my life. Public transportation changes the game. It takes the people from all of the cars on I-25 and puts them in the same vehicle. Maybe Florence Henderson has another twin - we'll just never know. Journey on. ~love~

Looking to cure those winter blues?

Me too.

May I suggest the following:

1. Flowers. You can never go wrong with flowers. Buy them for yourself. Convince someone else to buy them for you. Potted plants, fresh cut, secretly snipped from a neighborhood garden, however you get them, just do it. They are a perfectly good antidote to the winter doldrums. I bought myself a blue hyacinth and now my room smells like the botanical gardens. Unfortunately, I think this winter grey is getting to Penelope (the hyacinth) as well. I woke up this morning and noticed that one half was completely drooped floor-wards. I had to intervene with some string. I stand by my thought, though, that flowers help.

2. Chocolate. Milka chocolate is on sale this week. I bought 2 bars. Delicious. The danger here is of course eating too much chocolate and gaining a little bit too much padding for the winter cold. I'm willing to risk it though.

3. Good, peppy music. I'm enjoying Regina Spektor's "on the radio" for dancing-around-getting-ready times, and a great mix of instrumental music from movie soundtracks for oh-my-goodness-my-presentation/exam/class/meeting/work-is-in-20-minutes times.

4. Cleaning. Every day I am a bit more my mother's daughter. I am ready to embrace it. A clean room is a happy room. Organization kicks back against the chaos that robs joy (and is so often onset by that freezing cold grey just outside the window) This also ties directly to the whole music thing...dancing with a mop = anti-winter blues

5. Candles. Thats all I have to say about that.

6. Coffee. The sustinance of life. Goes well with chocolate.

Alright, back to work. ~love~

2011

a new year, a new resolve to rekindle my blogging (hi mom, i don't think anyone checks in anymore!)

there are many big things that i could talk about/update right now - coldest december in probably forever, flooding, exams, stress, learning spanish (ahem...kind of) - but i just don't think i'm up to that task tonight.

these big things shape my life, but honestly its the little things, the daily waking up, making coffee, grocery shopping things that define the tone and feel - the topography of my life.

as things started back up last week, i was incredibly thankful to go back to teaching. i love the challenge and diversity of my job! working with preschoolers, giving them their very first encounter with english through books, songs and games - to working with high school students, reading short stories, working on grammar, improving test scores. i love it all!

in my preschool class, we always start by singing a "hello song" and then i ask them how they are. i have been with most of these kids since may or june, and one little girl answers (without fail) "bad" every.single.week. its the same over and over again.

me: "how are you?"

little girl: (thumbs down) "bad. ich habe schnupfen und husten." (she has a stuffy nose and a cough)

a broken record. until last week. for the first time, she just smiled and said "good". i couldn't believe my ears! "really? no stuffy nose? no cough?" "no. i'm good."

it was a good day. ~love~